Everyone is welcome

Header image: Ally flags from Library.lgbt

Why being an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community matters to me

One of the things I’m proud of is having been called “an ally” by a lesbian friend (I didn’t give myself this title). I also mention LGBTQIA+ rights on my About me page and link to the excellent guide by the Human Rights Campaign.

Being an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community isn’t a political position. It’s a matter of humanity. It’s simply about recognising each person’s right to live authentically, love freely, and be treated with respect. What matters to me is whether someone is kind, thoughtful, and shows no contempt or violence towards others.

Being open to learning

I try to be a good ally, even if I don’t always get everything right. English isn’t my first language, and pronouns can be tricky for me. In French, for example, possessive pronouns agree with the object, not the subject, and creating grammatically correct sentences in English already requires quite a bit of mental gymnastics. If I forget or misgender someone, I’m always happy to be corrected.

Being an ally doesn’t mean being perfect. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. What matters is the intention to be respectful and to grow. It means being open, kind, willing to learn, and showing up.

Inclusion in everyday life

When someone introduces me to their same-sex partner, my reaction is the same as if they were a heterosexual couple. I don’t focus on gender, orientation, or whether someone “passes” as the gender they identify with. I simply see a person.

Sometimes, when someone comes out to me, they may expect a stronger reaction. Because I see inclusion as natural, my instinctive response might simply be “ah, okay”. But I understand that for many, coming out is an emotional and vulnerable moment. Please don’t mistake my reaction for indifference. If you ever need to talk, I’m here, and I will listen.

Perspective for those who don’t understand

For those who don’t understand and still have homophobic/transphobic tendencies, I ask you to imagine this. Imagine living in a world where the majority is homosexual, and you’re not. You are forced to “come out” as heterosexual. You’re told it’s a phase. You’re sent to disgusting and torturing “conversion therapy” or “religious rehab”. You’re made to feel broken. Would it change who you are? No. It would only create fear and resentment. This is the reality for many people in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Speaking up against discrimination

It frightens me to see places in the world where LGBTQIA+ people are still in danger, where their identities are criminalised. A simple search with terms such as “Homophobic attack” or “Anti-LGBT policies” will show you. The erosion of rights in the USA is very visible, but issues exist at state level in a lot of countries around the world. You can find more information and links on Amnesty International website.

And discrimination exists everywhere: in families, in schools, in workplaces, in the media. And rejection can lead to higher rate of suicide (see Wikipedia article). How awful it must be to be rejected by your family, your peers.

That’s why we need to talk about it. And it’s why I display the “Everyone is welcome” badge on my website footer, and you can do the same!

Another simple thing you can do is write a similar post on your blog and/or social media profiles.

In the WordPress Community

As a WordPress contributor, we try to be as inclusive as possible, I hope our events are feeling safe to all. Please speak up if not.

Some companies in the WordPress community I admire for their inclusion efforts are:

CodeInk Studios

Stacey Watson from CodeInk Studios is the person running Everyoneiswelcome.club, thanks Stacey!

Human Made

See some of their blog posts:

• Celebrating Pride: Building an inclusive WordPress community (including video)
• Supporting Transgender Rights at Human Made
• LGBTQIA+ inclusivity: Human Made’s getting louder & prouder (including video)
• and more

Yoast

Yoast are offering a Pride party wherever they go, advocate for #PrideForEveryone, educate through PRISM Europe, and partner with COC in the Netherlands.

They both set an example many of us can follow.

Religion?

Trying to be a good ally may come from my Humanist upbringing. I’m not religious, meaning I do not believe in a deity, and I place a high value on human dignity, social justice, fairness, and compassion. From what I know of religions, they also (similarly to Humanists) teach to love others: “love thy neighbour as thyself” (and similar messages in several religions) and that part I agree with.

That’s why I struggle to understand how religious norms shifted from a message of compassion to one of rejection, why the more religious people are, the less open they seem to be. You can read the position of different religious groups, with nuances, shifts and reforms, about LGBTQIA+ issues and communities on this Wikipedia article.

Religions followed human (and Humanist) values in their messages. Love and acceptance should be universal. As a non-religious person, I only wish more religious people would practise what they preach.

My own identity

Cisgender female, heterosexual, demisexual, alloromantic.
Pronouns: she/her/hers. In French: elle.